Let’s Make Your Marriage More Beautiful than Your Wedding
Relationships are formed from the dozens of small decisions that we make every day. Dr. John Gottman refers to these as “sliding door” moments, a term taken from the movie “Sliding Doors”, where Gwyneth Paltrow lives two completely alternative lives, depending on missing or catching a train. As in the movie, these small seemingly inconsequential moments affect our relationships in negative or positive ways. You can either choose to make a connection with your partner or choose to turn away. Over time, these choices add up and greatly affect relationship outcomes.
Gottman gives a personal example where he describes one evening, he was looking forward to reading his mystery novel. He was confident he knew who the murderer was. His book was waiting for him at his bedside. When he entered the bathroom where his wife was brushing her hair, he could see that she was sad. This was his “sliding door” moment. In that moment he could slip out of the bathroom and read his novel or connect with his wife. He said that this moment would not define their relationship, but by choosing to connect with her trust was built.
Through years of research Gottman learned how people-built trust and become “masters” rather than “disasters” of their marriages. These couples found ways not only to endure but to thrive.
After having the good fortune of being highly trained by the Gottman Institute I have found ways to help shape marriages to become lasting partnerships. Gottman gives us a map, a big picture perspective on how to make love last.
Turning towards instead of away from each other ~ Accepting “bids for connection”
We succeed in turning towards each other when we accept any of the possible bids for emotional connection. A bid for connection can take many forms… Bids can show up in simple ways or more complex expressions. Here are a few ways you can turn towards your partner and accept their bid for connection.
It is important to recognize these bids and turn towards our partners instead of turning away. When bids are accepted, they become “sliding door” moments. This is just one approach used for premarital or marriage counseling. My desire is to help you remove any obstacles which hinder your happiness or intimacy by giving you tools to build lasting and strong relationships.